Putting it into Visual Perspective

The Beautiful Women Project is committed to helping women find the very best of themselves throughout their life's journey. It is easy to get bogged down in the "little" things in life, the things that blur the BIG PICTURE - the things that REALLY MATTER.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous and resounding "YES!" The professor then produced two beers from under the table and pured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed again.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the "small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first, " he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all of your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend the time with your children. Spend time with your parents."

"Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to cleaned the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad that you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

Take a moment to write down in your journal, sketch it out on paper, jot it on a crumpled piece of paper or napkin - whatever you have on hand. This exercise will provide you with visual perspective. Visual Perspective is like a second pair of eyes, it allows you a moment to step back and see what you have, or would like to have, in your life.

Remember you are the jar, these "objects" are what fill you up and make you whole.

1. The Golf Balls - Who or What are the important things that fill your life? If everything else fell away, and these are all that were left, you would still consider your life full
   
2. The Pebbles - Who or What are the other things in your life?
   
3. The Sand - The "small stuff" that tends to fill in the small empty spaces. These can sometimes bury the pebbles or blur how we see the golf balls.
   
4. The Drink - Who would you like to make time to sit with and just talk, share, laugh, let time pass?
   

Celebrities Finally Get it When It's Personal

Apparently the reporting of Jessica Simpson's latest clothing choice and figure has touched very close to her sister's heart. Media outlets are reprinting and broadcasting Ashlee's response to the media's scrutiny of her sister, "Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy?"

Is she serious? Her weight was commented upon when she was pregnant, but why didn't she speak out? Her sister's "Daisy Dukes" body was newsorthy - and promoted - for her television show and movie. Why didn't either sister speak out about their newsworthiness and weight during these periods?

Everyday there is an item on the morning shows and newspapers about weight, body image, or beauty tips. The paparrazzi are well paid by the tabloids for images of celebrities without makeup, leaving the gym, running, or (gasp!) eating. The funny thing is, until it hits really close to home, no one really speaks up and tries to put a stop to the criticism. Remember Jennifer Love Hewitt's outrage over the unflattering pictures of her in her bikini? Where was Ashlee Simpson then? How about the numerous images of Kirstie Alley snapped on the street? She was called out for wearing something resembling a tent, Jessica was only said to be wearing "Mom" pants. Apparently jeans that go around the hips are now called "mom' pants, before low rise jeans wasn't this the only way jeans were constructed? Then there was Lisa Marie Presley who was pregnant with twins but the media compared her "situation" to that of her father in his later days. And people wonder why there is a rise in underweight pregnant women.

The question Ashlee Simpson should be asking is not since when, but Why is a woman's weight newsworthy?

This is a wonderful question to put out there as February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month.

The Image of the Inauguration

As everyone watched the United States of America swear in its 44th President, all eyes were on the Obama family. It was magical to see the country came together, it was a sea of hope.

Nonetheless, in the midst of it all, the media didn't miss a beat in commenting and critiqueing the First Lady and her daughters' appearance. Focusing attention to one's appearance has become an acceptable part of our society. Not one media outlet commented upon the grace and poise these women showed as they too were in the center of the frenzy. Michelle Obama stood proud that day, not only of her husband, but in the knowledge of all that she too had accomplished in the days, months, and years leading up to that historical day. And everyone knows the integral part she played, and will continue to play in the coming years. The young ladies began a new life, a life that will be unlike anything that they have ever experienced, but are embracing as a part of their lives' journey. Yet, the media couldn't resist commented on their dresses, their coats, the reason they chose the colors of their dresses and coats, or her choice of a shoulder gown versus a halter gown. No one commented on the President's suit, tie, over overcoat. No one mentioned the President's white bow tie was crooked at the Neighborhood Ball. Media outlets are still "breaking down" the outfits of the women two days after the event and will continue every time there is a public event.

We all heard many wonderful, inspiring words spoke by the President that day. The atmosphere was electric. Because of what The Beautiful Women Project stands for, recognized that a woman's beauty is the sum of her life experiences...words cannot express how amazing it was when the first words the President spoke to the nation at The Neighborhood Ball was, "Doesn't my wife look beautiful tonight?"

He saw before him so much more than a woman standing before him in a white ball gown.

Stop Trying to Be Perfect and Find Happiness

We can spend our lifetime chasing a concept of perfection, and never feel as if we have achieved our goal. Finding perfection is like running on a treadmill, unitl you shut off the machine it continues its unending cycle. Perfection is defined as, "...a person or thing that is the perfect embodiment of some quality." Instead of trying to become the perfect embodiment of something or someone else, why can't we accept ourselves as perfect the individuals we have already created with our life experiences?



Marcia, one of the women in The Beautiful Women Project, shared with me a wonderful piece of wisdom. She awoke one morning with a question in her head, "Do you want to be happy?" Her immediate response was, "Of course, who doesn't want to live their life being happy." She was immediately greeted with the thought, "Then stop trying to always be right and perfect." Marcia went on to teach me that trying to be right or perfect is the stuff that leads us down the road of low self esteem and self loathing instead of self love, sickness and disease instead of health and wellness.



Another Beautiful Women Project story brings home this point. Throughout her life, Suzi always had to be the best at everything: head cheerleader, valedictorian, college scholarship. She was well respected at the top of her profession, a super-mom at home and at her children's school, and kept an immaculate house. Everything was perfect accept the way she felt about herself. Exhausted from the chaos of it all, she realized that it was impossible to be everything to everyone, because there was nothing left for herself. She said good-bye to the notion of Perfect Suzi. Now the dinner dishes are delegated, morning meetings have to wait until the kids are off to school, and there are only a few things that take her away from her family nights and weekends. And in her newly imperfect lifestyle she has found a happiness she never had while trying to always be perfect.

Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Refocus your energy and give back to yourself. Recognize all of the things about yourself that are wonderful, that bring you joy, and that make you proud of the woman you are today.