Going Back to the Beginning

The message of the Beautiful Women Project is simple, yet so poweful: It is the sum of a woman's life experiences that make her beautiful. For those who have heard me speak either at an exhibition, during an interview, attended a workshop, or have been reading The Beautiful Women Project's blogy, you know that I often write about the need to experience your own beauty. Our experiences are what define who we are as an individual, as a woman. The Beautiful Women Project is one of the greatest experiences of my life.

The Beautiful Women Project began as I sat on the beach in Italy in 2003. My husband is Italian, and we go home every summer to visit our family. This particular summer I was acutely aware that, despite my accomplishments I was not proud of who I was because I was not proud of my body. As I sat under my umbrella, hiding from the world, I began observing all of the women around me on the beach. They were, unlike me, embracing their lives. Swimming, playing, talking with one another, laughing with their families: completely uninhibited by their bodies. They were so beautiful. Their beauty was shining through them, to be shared with all of us around them, for the world to see. I wanted to gain what they had that I did not yet possess. I wanted to know what they knew about true beauty, so that I too could begin embracing life.

When I returned home, I continued to observe and write about beauty; how I wanted to discover, uncover, and share beautiful women that were beautiful because of how they met their challenges and carried their experiences. I set out on a mission of a lifetime. The Beautiful Women Project has become, not only a documentary photography exhibition, but opportunities for women and men to come together to discuss beauty and make real changes in their lives.

Five years later, I am returning to Italy. In previous posts I have written about writing down your life experiences and in moments of self doubt, darkness, and strength going back and reading through your entries to see how far you have come. Reading your life's journey in order to EXPERIENCE your own beauty. So, to mark this five year milestone, with strength and beauty shining through me, I am going back to the beach in Massa to experience my beauty. I know how far I have come in five years. With pen, paper, cameras, and hopefully a good internet connection, I am going to share my observations on beauty from the place it all began.

Going back to the beginning can be as simple as remembering a time in your life when you were truly happy and proud of yourself as a woman. Going back to the beginning can be a quiet moment of reflection and recognition of the woman that you have grown to become today. Going back to the beginning may help you realize that it is time to pack and repack your life luggage - things that you needed to carry with you, even just a few months ago, no longer work for your life today. Going back may mean beginning today to move forward.

Arrivederci!

A New Formula for Beauty: Life+Experience=Beauty

Advertising is tricky business. The goal of advertising is to make consumers feel like they are getting something special - something that only a select few can achieve. The irony of it all is that, like body perfection, advertising is in itself an illusion. Advertisers want consumers to feel like they are attaining something special whether it be beauty, body perfection, both and more - when all along they are mass marketing products to you and millions of other consumers promising everyone the same thing.

It is easy to fall prey to advertising's enticements, in today's fast paced world who doesn't want to get from point A to point B in ten seconds or less? But how likely is it that true beauty is so simple that it can be found in a bottle of expensive moisturizer, or within a tube of whitening toothpaste, or in a syringe at your dermatologist's office? These products claim to have special formulas that have been clinically proven to make you beautiful. Funny how all of them require you to pay to find something that you already possess.

Beauty is something that we we are born with, and it stays with us throughout our lives. Beauty doesn't care about our age, our weight, our social or economic status, and especially not the brand of moisturizer we choose from the shelves. Unfortunately, somewhere along our journey many of us lose sight of our own beauty and advertisers are just sitting and waiting to present us with their formulas for their definition of beauty, their illusion of what it means to be beautiful. There is only one formula that will lead you, or help you to return to your own beauty, and it won't cost you a penny to get there: Life + Experience=Beauty.

Life - it is what we all do from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we fall asleep. Embracing what comes before us, the people that cross our paths, the opportunities that we are presented (positive and negative) each and every moment of each and everyday.

Experience - often the defining moments of our lives. These moments do not have to be earth shattering in nature, but ulitmately lead us toward being the type of women that we are proud to present to the world.

Beauty - the sum of your life experiences. There is no amount of money that can buy you this.

Beauty and the Bathing Suit

So I am at the gym taking a strength training class and the instructor shares with us that she is going on vacation next week and needs to go bathing suit shopping. As the twenty of us are hoping that she isn't losing count - she is sharing with us her fear of entering the dreaded dressing room with the bad flourescent lighting and four mirrors. This woman of great character and physical strength, a mother of four children - including a set of twin teenage daughters, a cancer survivor, a respected boys' hockey team strength training coach, a motivator for those who attend her classes, a world traveler, and great friend with a killer sense of humor. She is all of these things PLUS another beautiful amazing woman was being taken down by ... a bathing suit.

This post is for Karen and all women out there who feel good about themselves until they have to try on or wear a bathing suit. Here are The Beautiful Women Project's tips on how to feel beautiful all summer long.

1. Be confident. Before you go shopping or put the bathing suit on for the first day of the season make a list of things that you really like about yourself. There is nothing wrong with boosting your own self confidence. The way that you feel about yourself does affect the way that you view yourself when looking in the mirror.

2. Surround yourself with the people that already like you for who you are not what you look like. Go shopping with your friends - make it a girls day out. You know that your best girlfriends will tell you what makes you look amazing and what you should leave behind in the dressing room. This will also boost your confidence the first time you wear your bathing suit - you already know that you have the support of those that matter the most.

3. Choose a bathing suit that makes you comfortable, not self conscious. Whether it is a full piece, bikini, or shorts and a t-shirt – put on whatever allows you to have fun. It is about embracing life not hiding out while life passes you by.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others. Whether you are in your backyard with friends and family, a community pool, or beach don't look at other women's body parts and see how you match up. Wishing that you look like an ideal that may not be realistic for your body type is not healthy mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. Recognize that you are unique and that is what makes you beautiful. If you want to make changes to your physical body, discuss these ideas with your physician who will help you set and achieve realistic goals.

5. Participate in activities that you enjoy. Build sandcastles, play volleyball, ride the surf, or lose yourself in a good book. The summer is for relaxing. If you are anxious, shifting your focus onto things that you really enjoy will help you forget about your insecurities and allow you to enjoy yoru day, weekend, or vacation.

More than anything else, remember that the bathing suit is a piece of clothing; material sewn together to wear while swimming. It can't hurt you. Don't let it hurt you.

Being a Good Friend to Yourself

When it comes to friends, I don't have many, but I have the best. They accept me exactly as I am - a bit scattered at times, usually five minutes late, uncomfortable in large crowds, and often disappearing for weeks at a time with no notice. My friends like me for who I am, flaws and all. They didn't choose to be my friend because of what I look like, the clothes I wear, or the number on my scale.

Friends love us for who we are - not what we look like. It is time we begin to look at the relationship that we have with ourselves in the same way. Why is it so hard to love and accept ourselves for the women that we are today and are striving to be tomorrow? What will it take for women to be good friends to themselves?

With our days jam packed it is easy to overlook the most important person in our lives: ourselves. Like all of our relationships, this one needs work as well, but it is the easiest to overlook. Try to take some time out everyday - or at least twice a week - to nurture the relationship with yourself. It can be as simple as talking to yourself - verbalize your thoughts, fears, and questions in a soft whisper or a full voice in your bedroom, shower, car, or office. Hearing your thoughts out loud often makes them more "real" and not just thoughts and notions in your head. Journal writing is another wonderful way to get in touch, and stay in touch with yourself. When your thoughts, ideas, notions, dreams, and fears are "out there" you have made the choice to make them a priority, perhaps getting over that scary first admission and putting you on the road to dealing with issues and coming up with a solutions. Putting your thoughts and fears out there may also make it easier to talk about your situation with your family, friends, doctor, boss, co-worker - whomever you may need to turn to for support or resolution.

Another way to get to know yourself better is to ask questions. You may be surprised how little you know about the woman that you are in this particular stage of your life. What may seem like a simple question may stumble you: What is your favorite food? What is your biggest challenge? Proudest moment? Wildest dream? For a rainy day, try deeper reflection where you need to answer with more than a single word or sentence: I am most comfortable/uncomfortable...., A person walking down the street would never guess or believe..., When I look in the mirror I see.... Your answers may lead you to make changes, re-set your compass, or make you aware of the goodness and beauty that resides within you.

Taking the time to reflect on who you are will lead to down a wonderful path of self discovery. You will see what others already know about you - why they chose you to be their friend. The greatest way to be a good friend to others is to begin by being a good friend to yourself.