This past weekend was my dearest friends' twentieth high school reunion. She was petrified about returning to see her high school friends, many of which she has not seen in twenty years. What petrified her most was that the physical body she has today doesn't resemble the body she had on graduation day. It was difficult for her to admit her fears and body image issues, but she was willingness to speak openly and honestly about her body to move through this body image challenge.
The first question that came to me was to ask: At 38, can your body resemble that of an eighteen year old girl? At eighteen, some girls are still growing and developing, some are just finishing puberty. Their breasts are "new", their hips can be quite slender and there is a marked difference between the buttocks, legs, and stomach of an eighteen year old and a woman past her thirties. Let's face it, regardless of how well a woman takes care of herself our bodies continue to develop and change over time. Skin stretches, hips expand, and other metabolic changes can result in physical changes. There is no denying that physical changes continue throughout a woman's lifetime. It is better to embrace the bodies that we have throughout our lifetime and be thankful for all that our bodies do for us everyday.
My second question was more personal: Why does it bother you that you have changed? For my friend it bothered her because in high school she was an athlete, extremely physically fit, and today she doesn't feel that her body reflects that part of her life. Today, her lifestyle has taken her in a different direction, not that of an active individual. She was quick to admit that since she became a mom she has neglected to take time out of her week to exercise, and eating on the fly has become the norm instead of the exception. Throughout the course of our conversation, she came to an awareness that this aspect of how she views her body is something that she knows that she can change, but the fear of failure has held her back from beginning to do the work. She wasn't even afraid of failing herself, it was letting her family and friends down if she couldn't stick with her routine, or ended up losing the weight and then gaining it all back one day. I reminded her that she can't do this for others, it has to be about her and what she wants from her life and her body. Her family and friends love and support her because of who she is, not the number on her scale.
By Saturday evening, my friend was comfortable in the knowledge that it wasn't an eighteen year old girl who would be walking into the reunion, so there was no reason why her body would resemble that of such a young girl. That is who she was then, not who she is today. In this moment of her life, she chose to let the experiences of the past twenty years shine through her for her old friends to see how they have shaped the person she is today.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Threads of Beauty
For the past two summers I have been fortunate to have The Beautiful Women Project spend the summers at Wiawaka Holiday Retreat House for Women. It is a beautiful place in Lake George, NY and it is exactly what its name claims to be...a holiday retreat for women.
This year I led two workshops one entitled The Dynamics and Importance of Female Friendships and another on The Threads of Beauty. I created this workshop discussion specifically for a group of women who came to Wiawaka to spend their time together quilting. Not a quilter myself, I spent a great deal of time researching and learning about the art of quilting. Simply stated by the Columbia Encyclopedia, "Quilting is a form of needlework, almost always created by women, most of them anonymous, in which two layers of fabric on either side of in interlining are sewn together, usually with a pattern of back running (quilting) stitches that hold the layers together."
Quilting, a form of storytelling, is a six step process...Six steps that parallel the stories of the telling of an individual's life story.
1. Selecting a Pattern, fabrics, and batting...Who do I want to be? What is my story?
2. Measuring and cutting fabrics the correct size to make blocks from the patterns...An individual's life experiences are the building blocks of their life. We each have our own size and know what is best fit for our life.
3. Piecing blocks together to make a finished "top"...Meeting life's experiences and seeing opportunity in the good as well as the challenges.
4. Layering the quilt top with batting and bcking to make a "quilt sandwich"
5. Quilting by hand or machine through all of the layers of the quilt sandwich...Carrying your experiences so they shine through you for those around you to encounter and bask in your light.
6. Squaring up and trimming excess batting from the edges, sewing and stitching the binding to the quilt backing...Packing and repacking your luggage along your journey. What may have been important or worked in your life in the past may no longer serve you in your present moment.
What are the layers that hold your life together?
This year I led two workshops one entitled The Dynamics and Importance of Female Friendships and another on The Threads of Beauty. I created this workshop discussion specifically for a group of women who came to Wiawaka to spend their time together quilting. Not a quilter myself, I spent a great deal of time researching and learning about the art of quilting. Simply stated by the Columbia Encyclopedia, "Quilting is a form of needlework, almost always created by women, most of them anonymous, in which two layers of fabric on either side of in interlining are sewn together, usually with a pattern of back running (quilting) stitches that hold the layers together."
Quilting, a form of storytelling, is a six step process...Six steps that parallel the stories of the telling of an individual's life story.
1. Selecting a Pattern, fabrics, and batting...Who do I want to be? What is my story?
2. Measuring and cutting fabrics the correct size to make blocks from the patterns...An individual's life experiences are the building blocks of their life. We each have our own size and know what is best fit for our life.
3. Piecing blocks together to make a finished "top"...Meeting life's experiences and seeing opportunity in the good as well as the challenges.
4. Layering the quilt top with batting and bcking to make a "quilt sandwich"
5. Quilting by hand or machine through all of the layers of the quilt sandwich...Carrying your experiences so they shine through you for those around you to encounter and bask in your light.
6. Squaring up and trimming excess batting from the edges, sewing and stitching the binding to the quilt backing...Packing and repacking your luggage along your journey. What may have been important or worked in your life in the past may no longer serve you in your present moment.
What are the layers that hold your life together?
Sunday, September 7, 2008
What We Have to Show for Our Lives
My cousin called me today in distress. Always a strong and independent woman, she is a mother of three young children, a successful business woman, and a wife of fourteen years. Her marriage is in dire straits, and it is her belief that she will soon be a forty five year old single mother. A child of divorce herself, this is not what she wanted for her life or the lives of her children. Quietly she asked, "For all that I have invested in my life and marriage, what do I have to show for my life ?" Knowing my cousin's nature, she wasn't looking for sympathy, but brutal honesty.
My cousin grew up in a tiny little town on top of a mountain. A tomboy, she found her life's passion in downhill skiing and was chosen to attend a private high school that would take her off her mountain and into a strange and exciting world. A college awarded her a full skiing scholarship and with further development she qualified as an alternate on the US Olympic Ski Team. At any point in her lifetime she could have returned home to work in her family's established business, a business that would have provided her with a very comfortable life. Instead, she chose to strike out on her own. With time, she established not one, not two, but three successful businesses. She always recognized the responsibility she had for the lives of her employees and their families, and when times were tough she would take on additional jobs as a waitress, ski instructor and coach, or respiratory therapist in a local hospital, in order to keep things afloat. Always a mother to her children and wife to her husband, it was her that made sure that they bills were paid, the laundry was completed and the groceries were in the refrigerator and cupboards. The importance of love, family, and friendship - lessons learned on top of her chilhood mountain home, are now passed onto her children. When her father was terminally ill, she was his primary care giver, with him until he took his final breath. Over the years she has created a network of friends that are there for her in times of celebration and support her in her darkest hours, often when family was too far away. There are children that she instructed on the ski slopes that are on race teams across the country or just enjoying the winters with their families year in and year out because of her instruction. There are little babies that have grown into thriving teenagers because she was there for them in the neo-natal unit helping them breath when their little lungs needed assistance. There are three amazing children thriving in the world because of their mother. I believe that she found it hard to believe that she thought for even a moment that she had nothing to show for her life.
Often when posed with the question, "What do I have to show for my life?" we are looking for material, tangible pieces of evidence. The truth be told, the measure of a life isn't how much money has accumulated in a bank account, the number or kind of cars in a garage, the waist or dress size you have hanging in the closet - or the size of your closet for that matter. The answers to the question are quiet similar to the definition of beauty: It is the sum of your life experiences. The answer lies in your life's journey.
We all have things in our lives demonstrate our life's value. Even during the most challenging times, there are amazing things. Find a moment in the next week to recognize all of the wonderful things that you have to show for your lifetime.
My cousin grew up in a tiny little town on top of a mountain. A tomboy, she found her life's passion in downhill skiing and was chosen to attend a private high school that would take her off her mountain and into a strange and exciting world. A college awarded her a full skiing scholarship and with further development she qualified as an alternate on the US Olympic Ski Team. At any point in her lifetime she could have returned home to work in her family's established business, a business that would have provided her with a very comfortable life. Instead, she chose to strike out on her own. With time, she established not one, not two, but three successful businesses. She always recognized the responsibility she had for the lives of her employees and their families, and when times were tough she would take on additional jobs as a waitress, ski instructor and coach, or respiratory therapist in a local hospital, in order to keep things afloat. Always a mother to her children and wife to her husband, it was her that made sure that they bills were paid, the laundry was completed and the groceries were in the refrigerator and cupboards. The importance of love, family, and friendship - lessons learned on top of her chilhood mountain home, are now passed onto her children. When her father was terminally ill, she was his primary care giver, with him until he took his final breath. Over the years she has created a network of friends that are there for her in times of celebration and support her in her darkest hours, often when family was too far away. There are children that she instructed on the ski slopes that are on race teams across the country or just enjoying the winters with their families year in and year out because of her instruction. There are little babies that have grown into thriving teenagers because she was there for them in the neo-natal unit helping them breath when their little lungs needed assistance. There are three amazing children thriving in the world because of their mother. I believe that she found it hard to believe that she thought for even a moment that she had nothing to show for her life.
Often when posed with the question, "What do I have to show for my life?" we are looking for material, tangible pieces of evidence. The truth be told, the measure of a life isn't how much money has accumulated in a bank account, the number or kind of cars in a garage, the waist or dress size you have hanging in the closet - or the size of your closet for that matter. The answers to the question are quiet similar to the definition of beauty: It is the sum of your life experiences. The answer lies in your life's journey.
We all have things in our lives demonstrate our life's value. Even during the most challenging times, there are amazing things. Find a moment in the next week to recognize all of the wonderful things that you have to show for your lifetime.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Beautiful Women Project is Going Back to School
September has always been my favorite time of year, I truly believe that it is the beginning of my year. Perhaps it is because I always liked going back to school - seeing my old friends, meeting new friends, the routine of everyday life. Maybe that is why I eventually became a teacher - I loved my years teaching high school and middle school, I always looked forward to going back into the classroom and meeting my new students while watching my previous students move onward and upward through the years.
Since October of 2007 The Beautiful Women Project has been traveling to colleges and universities, creating exciting programming incorporating our project, current courses of studies, and related popular culture topics and calendar weeks and months related to women. We have met so many amazing women and men on our travels - all wanting to engage in the discussion of women and beauty. This is a wonderful arena for multi-layered discussions that touch the lives of a wide range of academic and social interests. The Beautiful Women Project is excited about all of the college and university communiities that we will be visiting this academic year.
Beginning this fall, The Beautiful Women Project officially launches our educational partnership with middle and highs school level students. Working with administrators, counseling personnel, educators, and volunteers our project will be bringing exciting and vital character education programming to young women across the country. Our Arts in Education workshops provide opportunities for students to participate in their social development, taking into consideration different learning styles, current curricular discussion and goals, and the interests and lifestyles of the student population Students will walk away from their experience with a new understanding of art in public space, a redefinition of beauty and role models, and tools and resources that they can use when they meet their life experiences and challenges.
We are committed to continue our mission of working with communities across the country bringing a simple yet powerful message : it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful.
We are always looking for opportunities to bring The Beautiful Women Project to new communities. Please contact us to discuss how we can work with your university, school, conference, or organization.
Since October of 2007 The Beautiful Women Project has been traveling to colleges and universities, creating exciting programming incorporating our project, current courses of studies, and related popular culture topics and calendar weeks and months related to women. We have met so many amazing women and men on our travels - all wanting to engage in the discussion of women and beauty. This is a wonderful arena for multi-layered discussions that touch the lives of a wide range of academic and social interests. The Beautiful Women Project is excited about all of the college and university communiities that we will be visiting this academic year.
Beginning this fall, The Beautiful Women Project officially launches our educational partnership with middle and highs school level students. Working with administrators, counseling personnel, educators, and volunteers our project will be bringing exciting and vital character education programming to young women across the country. Our Arts in Education workshops provide opportunities for students to participate in their social development, taking into consideration different learning styles, current curricular discussion and goals, and the interests and lifestyles of the student population Students will walk away from their experience with a new understanding of art in public space, a redefinition of beauty and role models, and tools and resources that they can use when they meet their life experiences and challenges.
We are committed to continue our mission of working with communities across the country bringing a simple yet powerful message : it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful.
We are always looking for opportunities to bring The Beautiful Women Project to new communities. Please contact us to discuss how we can work with your university, school, conference, or organization.
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