Reflections on Halloween 2008 - The Year of the Trampy Costume

Move over Scary Witch, Fairy Princess, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and make room for Sexy Witches, Seductive Little Mermaids, and Trampy Cheerleaders?!?! Welcome to Halloween 2008 - The Year of the Trampy Costume.

Who thought that it was okay to take the innocence out of Halloween costumes for young girls, tween, and teens? Take a cruise down your local retailer and the costumes available for young girls are far too revealing for young girls and teens. The costumes for boys have them well covered: firemen, policemen, turtles, commandos...they even get props to complete their ensembles. The male pirate is covered from head to toe with pants and a flowing long sleeved shirt while the female version has a VERY short skirt and a form fitting short sleeved shirt. And who thought it would be "cute" for tweens and teens to dress like Playboy bunnies?

Moms are frustrated, they can't find costumes that are appropriate for their daughters to wear to school, community parades, around the neighborhood, or just around the house for dress up. Girls are upset with their mothers for not letting them wear the costumes they are seeing in the stores. Tempers are flaring, tears are being shed, time is drawing closer to the big parade and party. There are no Cinderella costumes that are appropriate for the ball.

Girls feel tremendous pressure everyday to grow up before their time. Is there really a need to pressure them to be sexy in their Halloween costumes?

What We Have to Show for Our Lives

My cousin called me today in distress. Always a strong and independent woman, she is a mother of three young children, a successful business woman, and a wife of fourteen years. Her marriage is in dire straits, and it is her belief that she will soon be a forty five year old single mother. A child of divorce herself, this is not what she wanted for her life or the lives of her children. Quietly she asked, "For all that I have invested in my life and marriage, what do I have to show for my life ?" Knowing my cousin's nature, she wasn't looking for sympathy, but brutal honesty.

My cousin grew up in a tiny little town on top of a mountain. A tomboy, she found her life's passion in downhill skiing and was chosen to attend a private high school that would take her off her mountain and into a strange and exciting world. A college awarded her a full skiing scholarship and with further development she qualified as an alternate on the US Olympic Ski Team. At any point in her lifetime she could have returned home to work in her family's established business, a business that would have provided her with a very comfortable life. Instead, she chose to strike out on her own. With time, she established not one, not two, but three successful businesses. She always recognized the responsibility she had for the lives of her employees and their families, and when times were tough she would take on additional jobs as a waitress, ski instructor and coach, or respiratory therapist in a local hospital, in order to keep things afloat. Always a mother to her children and wife to her husband, it was her that made sure that they bills were paid, the laundry was completed and the groceries were in the refrigerator and cupboards. The importance of love, family, and friendship - lessons learned on top of her chilhood mountain home, are now passed onto her children. When her father was terminally ill, she was his primary care giver, with him until he took his final breath. Over the years she has created a network of friends that are there for her in times of celebration and support her in her darkest hours, often when family was too far away. There are children that she instructed on the ski slopes that are on race teams across the country or just enjoying the winters with their families year in and year out because of her instruction. There are little babies that have grown into thriving teenagers because she was there for them in the neo-natal unit helping them breath when their little lungs needed assistance. There are three amazing children thriving in the world because of their mother. I believe that she found it hard to believe that she thought for even a moment that she had nothing to show for her life.

Often when posed with the question, "What do I have to show for my life?" we are looking for material, tangible pieces of evidence. The truth be told, the measure of a life isn't how much money has accumulated in a bank account, the number or kind of cars in a garage, the waist or dress size you have hanging in the closet - or the size of your closet for that matter. The answers to the question are quiet similar to the definition of beauty: It is the sum of your life experiences. The answer lies in your life's journey.

We all have things in our lives demonstrate our life's value. Even during the most challenging times, there are amazing things. Find a moment in the next week to recognize all of the wonderful things that you have to show for your lifetime.

Beauty From a Teen's Perspective

Recently, The Beautiful Women Project opened The Girls Summit for a branch of Girls Inc. Close to one hundred girls came together to spend the day celebrating themselves and what makes girls reach for the sky. The definition of a summit is a conference of the highest diplomatic level. These girls were all diplomats - representing their schools, friends, and peers all over the country. Their ears were their to listen to new ideas and their voices were speaking the truths of their generation.

I opened the program by asking the girls to share their definitions of beauty. Their answers were honest and to the point:

"Beauty is being pretty."

"Beauty is being pretty and popular."

"Beauty is skinny and perfect skin."

"...skinny, tan, great teeth, gorgeous hair."

"Beauty is what you look like on the outside."

Was I surprised by these definitions. Unfortunately, I was not. Today's teen girls are bombarded with so many messages of what defines a woman's beauty that it is difficult to filter fact from fiction. We know where the messages are coming from, but how do we help girls realize that there is so much more to beauty than their exterior appearance?

Presenting them with alternative images and role models of beauty is a start. Teen girls need to be reminded that role models are not just women that they see in magazines, television shows, or the big screen. If they are going to emulate those women, which we know that they are, let's take a moment out of our days to sit with our daughters and point out, or learn about together, these women's accomplishments outside of their appearance on the glossy pages or the silver screen. I bet that both of you will be surprised by what you learn.

Providing teenage girls with experiences that allow them to feel beautiful that have nothing to do with their physicality. Helping them pass a test or a course in school that may seem at the time, insurmountable. Learning how to drive a car with mom as the driving instructor. Beginning a new hobby together - painting, photography, tennis, surfing, something that both parent and teen are doing for the first time. These experiences provide a sense of accomplishment and self worth that go beyond a person's appearance.

Helping them achieve a positive body image - loving who they are and those around them because of who they are, not because of what they look like or their material possessions. Sharing with your teen things about them that you like and respect. Respect is something that we don't often associate with beauty, but their is nothing more beautiful than the feeling of respecting another for how they carry themselves in their lifetime.

I am happy to share with you some of the definitions that I received that recognized that their is more to beauty than a young woman's physical appearance:

"Beauty is being a good person inside and being yourself."

"Beauty is ... just being who you are."

"Beauty is having confidence in yourself."

"Beauty is the way that you feel about yourself."

I know that together, we will continue to help women recognize that their beauty is the sum of their life experiences. The Beautiful Women Project is dedicated to continuing our work with women, we are making a difference.

Experience Your Beauty

As the creator of The Beautiful Women Project and author of Beautiful Women Celebrating Beauty in Stories and Stills, I have had the privilege of working with, speaking in front of, and listening to women at all stages of life over the past three years. I have found that when it comes to body image and self esteem, it doesn't matter if a woman is fourteen or forty - a woman can be told she is beautiful a million times by others, but unless she experiences her own beauty all of the talking is just ... talk.

How does a woman exprience her own beauty? By recognizing that beauty is the sum of who you are and your life experiences. I speak from experience - despite my own accomplishments I was not proud of myself because I was not proud of my body. It has taken years, but I finally feel my own beauty. It is a process, getting to know who you are, what you like about yourself, discovering your strengths and weaknesses, embracing change, and recognizing that physicality is only a small part of who you are as a woman.

It is not easy. It gets confusing. It takes time. Unfortunately, we are bombarded with images and ideas everyday that work against us. Shampoos, moisturizers, acne washes, clothes, purses, shoes, diets...the images and the companies tell us that they will make us beautiful. These "things" are out there, but no one needs to buy anything to make them beautiful, at the very least they should only be looked upon as a way to enhance what you already own - BEAUTY.

By embracing what is most wonderful about being a woman we can navigate our way through the maze of product placements, "real" models, and reality television. Discussion and sharing are vital - we find out that we are not alone in our struggle to feel good about ourselves, and begin accepting ourselves for who we are as women. I recently did a program with seventh grade girls and not only did they share their definitions of beauty, but also their fears and questions they had about their feelings and friendships. I know that because of our frank and open discussion the ideas that they held about beauty and their relationship with their own beauty, changed for the better.

Take a moment to embrace the best parts of yourself. Share your thoughts, fears, and questions with a friend or daughter. Experience your beauty.

Back from A Beauty Break

The Beautiful Women Project has not had a new posting for two weeks, to be honest every once in a while I think that we can all use a "beauty break". Everyday I read speak to people about beauty and body image issues, read hundreds of articles in newspapers in magazines from around the world, scan internet blogs and listen to radio programs all having something to do with beauty, body image and women's issues. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but there comes a point where we all need to take a step back and give ourselves space and time. With so much sharing going on, it is important to take time to process what we take in - and decide what is right for each of us as individuals. The most wonderful thing about beauty is that it is unique, personal, the sum of our life experiences - and what is right for one is not right for everyone.

Beauty is exhausting. Finding ourselves is a process. Transformation takes patience. At The Beautiful Women Project we are really talking about transforming how as individuals define our own beauty not only ourselves, but also how society defines beauty. The folktale about the tortoise and the hare is tried and true - slow and steady wins the race. There is no quick fix for finding our inner beauty or for redefining how we see ourselves and others. Yet, with time and an open mind it is our belief that it will happen in the most wonderful and positive of ways.

The Beautiful Women Project Supports National Eating Disorders Week

The National Eating Disorders Association has announced that National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is February 24-March 1, 2008. This week the epidemic of eating disorders takes the national spotlight. The intention is not to glorify eating disorders, but to help those suffering as well as to educate those who may have a loved one suffering from an eating disorder.

The Beautiful Women Project believes that there is so much more to an individual than their outward appearance. It is the sum of their life's experiences that make them beautiful. This is our mantra and will keep repeating it over and over for the world to hear. It is that important. The thirty five women in Beautiful Women share thier life stories and their beauty shines through them for the world to see. Please read what others are saying about the book:
http://bookloons.com/cgi-bin/Review.asp?bookid=9120

http://www.roundtablereviews.com/brunonancy012108.htm

http://www.amazon.com/review/R32P4HPNKW5ZKW/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm

For every book purchased from our web site during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, we will be donating $5.00 to the Northeastern Comprehensive Care Center for Eating Disorders. Please pass this offer onto as many people that you know - this is not a gimmick to sell books, this is what The Beautiful Women Project does: help those in our communities who need help.

By clicking Beautiful Women Book on this blog or going directly to our web site and clicking "Purchase Book" follow the instructions and upon payment please enter NEDW.

To learn more about the National Eating Disorders Association please check out their web site:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Thank you for your continued support - of our project and of one another.

I Am Beautiful...No Matter What Anyone Says

I was recently asked a simple question: Why do you think women especially are so wrapped up in their outer-physical appearance? I wish that there was a simple answer.

Ultimately, I think that women like to feel beautiful. What we need to do is take a moment and realize that there is a difference between feeling beautiful and buying into what others are showing us should be considered beautiful.

From the time that we are little girls being pretty has had something to do with our clothes, hair, shoes. It is hard to change this as a little girl grows into a teenager and then a woman who is bombarded with images of beauty and perfection.

The media presents an attainable version of perfection: any woman can achieve a particular look, weight, or type of skin as long as you buy their products. What women need to remember is that these companies are in the business of selling products and would anyone buy their products if they gave them acne, fly-aways, made them gain weight, or make wrinkles appear instead of disappear?

The Beautiful Women Project and book Beautiful Women is a reminder that we are already beautiful. All of the products and programs on the market are there to enhance our beauty, not magically bring it out. Beauty comes from within, you already own it! We are given a body, skin, and a set of circumstances that we weave together to make a life for ourselves. Let’s start focusing on who we are and being proud of that woman. If you want to change things, go ahead – but remember to reflect on why you want to make those changes and be proud of the experiences that will come as a result of your choice to change.

Why Are So Many of Us Women Afraid of our Own Shadows?

Sunday was Groundhog Day - and the powers that be say that if the groundhog sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter. Why is the groundhog afraid of his own shadow? Better yet, why are so many of us women afraid of own shadows?

A shadow is simply a silhouette of our being. Silhouette - such a beautiful word. I remember as a child that as part of a class project the teacher would call us up one by one and outline our sihouettes for us. We would then cut them out, paste them on another sheet of paper and give them as presents to our mothers for Mother's Day. Our shadows were presents - gifts.

Our shadows are still gifts. They show us the curves that define our bodies, the wisps of hair that frame our faces, the length of our legs that carry us everyday. Our shadows only define our physical beings, they don't define who we are as individuals. We are responsible for the type of people that we want to be in this lifetime. When I look at my shadow I need to reflect upon the type of wife, mother, daughter, friend, and member of my community that I want to be, not the fact that I look stubby because I am five foot three and all of the flyaways are pronounced on the cement below me. Whenever I think of these things when I see my shadow - I smile, this is what I am most proud of and the rest melts away even for only a moment.

Next time you see your shadow, don't be afraid. Stop and take a moment to look at your body and become your shadow's friend. Don't run from who you are - create who you want to be.

True Self, True Beauty

I love the days that The Beautiful Women Project women go on a field trip. It is an opportunity for me to meet women, hear their stories, and reaffirm what I believed in my heart when I created this project: we are not alone in our journey. So, that leads me to the question: if we are not alone on our journeys why does it feel so lonely at times?

Sharing our thoughts and experiences is sometimes difficult to do with family and friends. We are so afraid of being judged for being who we really are that we choose to isolate ourselves rather than of share what may be the best part of ourselves. It is easier to share ourselves with strangers - whether it be at an exhibition or through the internet, because strangers don't have any expectations for who we are suppose to be - they just accept us for who we present to them in that moment. Usually, that is our truest selves. And that is when we are most beautiful.

It is really scary to show a side of yourself that you don't think others will accept, I know I have been there myself. I bet what you will find is one of two things: (1) people already had a sense about who you really were and have been waiting for your revelation and/or (2) they respect you for being true to yourself.

It is here that I come back to my premise: beauty shines from within and when you are true to yourself your light shines brighter and brighter. It is the sum of your life experiences that makes you beautiful and the more that you share those experiences, share your true self, you will find that you are not alone on your journey. There are so many other women who are experiencing and feeling the same things you are in your life. The community of women is wonderful, welcoming, and supportive. Join us in sharing your true selves, your true beauty.