What Was Lost Has Now Been Found

It has been many months since I have posted on The Beautiful Women Project site. I would like to thank the many faithful followers that continue to be interested in the our work, despite not posting on the site in recent months. I have decided to pick up where I left off, sharing thoughts and insights, commenting on popular culture, and chiming in on what makes women beautiful.



The truth as to the reason why I stopped writing is quite simple, I lost track of myself in the whirlwind of that which we all call life: work, the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, making sure there was food in the refrigerator, clothes were cleaned, soccer games were watched, homework was done, telephone calls were returned, bills were paid, and the list went on and on and on. I kept up the pace until it all took its toll on me and I simply...broke.

I have taken the past months to practice what I have been preaching - reflecting on who I am as a person, discovering and rediscovering what I really like about myself, opening up the luggage that I have been carrying around and taking out what no longer works for me in order to move forward. In order to have the future that I want I needed to look at what was not working in my life...and let go. Letting go has been the hardest part of the process. Letting go of old thought patterns and relationships has been the most challenging, but necessary in order to embrace the future.

As this blog evolves, my hope is that there will be more sharing of life experiences. It is through sharing that we know that we are not alone in our life's journey. It is my hope that we will have more commenting, and guest bloggers. If you are interested in sharing and idea or writing a weekly pieces, please do not hesitate to contact me through the site.

We are Stronger Than We Give Ourselves Credit For

We all have things that keep us from moving forward with our lives, and it takes strength and courage to move through these experiences. The challenges come in different forms, and arrive in our lives at different stages of our personal development.

"How do I find my place?" "How do I develop a support system of friends that accept and support me for who I am today?" "How do I balance work and family?" "How do I find time for myself?" "Am I strong enough to run 2 miles?" "Am I strong enough to face what is ahead of me?"

Avoiding our challenges is easy, keeping our heads down and continuing on our current paths. Yet, when we do, we keep from moving forward with our lives. We miss out on all of the wonderful things that happen to us on our journey toward our goals. It is often the experiences along the way are often more valuable than our intended endpoint.

Springing Into Ourselves

After a few weeks of needed respite, The Beautiful Women Project is back on-line.

Spring has arrived and it is one of the most wonderful times of the year. Like the flowers and trees, many of us are finding our energy again, growing and changing after a long winter's rest. Once again, it is time to open up our personal "suitcases" and peer inside. Sorting through our "stuff" is a wonderful exercise in self reflection and growth. Ask yourself, what are the things in my life that I want to continue to carry? These are elements of your being that support you, feel good to you, allow you to continue to grow and change. Then look at the things in your suitcase that are holding you down, don't make you feel good about yourself and your life, keep you from growing into the person you want to be in your lifetime. These things include thought patterns, habits, friends, jobs, and sometimes it may mean family members. It is hard to "unplug" from the comfortable, but what is comfortable may not be what is best for you as you create your life's picture. And that picture is a BEAUTIFUL image of yourSELF.

Enjoy the spring, it is a time of life and reflection on the past moving toward renewal for the future.

Maya Angelou: The Sum of Her Life Experiences

The Beautiful Women Project received an email with excerpts of an interview of Maya Angelou on her 70th birthday. Interviewed by Oprah Winfrey, the two spoke candidly about many topics including body image and what she has learned throughout her lifetime. This interview is an excellent example of our belief that it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful.

Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older, her response was simple and direct, "Exciting."

Regarding body changes, she said that there were many occurring everyday...like her breasts, "They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist...first."

Ms. Angelou went on to say:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that even when I have pains I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel."

Honoring Women's History Month

March is Women's History Month, a time to recognize the achievements of the women that have walked before us, to remember the obstacles that women overcame in order to achieve their goals, and to reflect upon those who sacrificed everything so our collective lives are richer today.

The Beautiful Women Project's message is simple, yet powerful: It is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful. It is how a woman meets her challenges and carries her experiences. As individuals, we are defined and shaped by our unique experiences. It is this personal history that makes us the women we are in our present moment.

As we reflect upon our shared history as women, it is important to take a moment and honor our personal history. A person's legacy is measured not by the great things they do, but the little things they do in great ways.

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

Across the country this week women and men are taking time out of their schedules to learn more about eating disorders and healthy bodies. Women's Centers, health centers, women's studies department, mentoring groups, and even book groups are taking time to bring this very important issue to the public. Eating disorders are not an individual issue, it is a family and community issue. Eating disorders are not only a medical issues for the female community, in fact, eating disorders in men are increasing at an alarming rate.

The Beautiful Women Project has a simple, yet powerful message: it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that make her beautiful. The Beautiful Women Project cannot change the fact that some determine a woman's beauty solely on her physical body. Our goal is to shift the focus from the body being the only determining factor of an individual's beauty to just a small part of what makes a person beautiful. This shift can occur. This shift needs to occur.

If there is an event going on in your area or college campus this week, check it out. Support the men and women who are doing their part to raise awareness of eating disorders across the country.

The Spirit of Doing NOTHING

There is nothing that hits the nerves of women, especially those who feel as if she they have too much to do and not enough time in the day to do it all, more than seeing a man sitting on the couch watching television or (gasp!) napping as she is cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, or keeping the kids from tearing down the house one brick at a time. The punch line is that the reason she is so aggravated by his actions - or lack of action - is because she feels like she does not have the same PRIVILEGE TO DO NOTHING.

Well, it is time to stop denying ourselves the PRIVILEGE and DO NOTHING. A college psychology professor I recently met gave this assignment to his students years ago. The assignment would take one hour, and they had to make sure that nothing would interfere with this block of time. In this hour they were to do NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. The purpose of the exercise was for them to experience what could happen if they disengaged from the whirlwind of life and re-engaged with themselves.

What an amazing idea. How often do women take an hour to do NOTHING? The answer is simple: never. There is a mind set that if we stop doing what we do, the house of cards will tumble down. Yet, there is nothing more important than taking time to do something, or in this case, nothing for ourselves. In an hour of contemplation so many amazing things can arise within; ideas can form, anxiety can ease, goals can come back into focus, or it can be time to just have peace of mind.

Find a time in your schedule and block out 1 hour of time. Make it a priority, a meeting, whatever you have to do to make it a full hour where nothing else will infringe upon this time. During the hour you may take a walk or journal, but refrain from speaking with anyone or any outside distractions. The most important element of the exercise is enjoy this one hour of doing NOTHING. Do not feel guilty for taking time out of your life to do rest, relax, and rejuvenate. Or, turn it around and make a weekly or monthly guilty pleasure, it costs you nothing but what a return on your investment!

Finding True Love Starts With Self Love

Valentine's Day is here and it is all about love. Finding A True Love. Being Loved By Another. Imagining What it Feels Like When You Finally Find THE ONE LOVE of your life.

The thing about Valentine's Day love is that all of the love comes from outside of ourselves. It comes from class mates, boyfriends, partners, spouses...even just a glance from a friendly stranger can be enough to throw us into a tizzy on Valentine's Day. There is validation when we are loved by others. Yet, the greatest, most important love any of us can experience is the love we have FOR ourselves. Self love is overlooked and undervalued. In order to accept love from outside of ourselves, from others, we must accept and love ourselves completely for who we are and where we have been in our lifetime.

There are three great truths when it comes to love:

(1) First true love is irreplaceable in one's heart.

(2) Great love is impossible to put into words, it can only be felt.

(3) Self love is the most difficult love to find, but the most important to have in your life.

Putting it into Visual Perspective

The Beautiful Women Project is committed to helping women find the very best of themselves throughout their life's journey. It is easy to get bogged down in the "little" things in life, the things that blur the BIG PICTURE - the things that REALLY MATTER.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous and resounding "YES!" The professor then produced two beers from under the table and pured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed again.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the "small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first, " he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all of your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend the time with your children. Spend time with your parents."

"Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to cleaned the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad that you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

Take a moment to write down in your journal, sketch it out on paper, jot it on a crumpled piece of paper or napkin - whatever you have on hand. This exercise will provide you with visual perspective. Visual Perspective is like a second pair of eyes, it allows you a moment to step back and see what you have, or would like to have, in your life.

Remember you are the jar, these "objects" are what fill you up and make you whole.

1. The Golf Balls - Who or What are the important things that fill your life? If everything else fell away, and these are all that were left, you would still consider your life full
   
2. The Pebbles - Who or What are the other things in your life?
   
3. The Sand - The "small stuff" that tends to fill in the small empty spaces. These can sometimes bury the pebbles or blur how we see the golf balls.
   
4. The Drink - Who would you like to make time to sit with and just talk, share, laugh, let time pass?
   

Celebrities Finally Get it When It's Personal

Apparently the reporting of Jessica Simpson's latest clothing choice and figure has touched very close to her sister's heart. Media outlets are reprinting and broadcasting Ashlee's response to the media's scrutiny of her sister, "Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy?"

Is she serious? Her weight was commented upon when she was pregnant, but why didn't she speak out? Her sister's "Daisy Dukes" body was newsorthy - and promoted - for her television show and movie. Why didn't either sister speak out about their newsworthiness and weight during these periods?

Everyday there is an item on the morning shows and newspapers about weight, body image, or beauty tips. The paparrazzi are well paid by the tabloids for images of celebrities without makeup, leaving the gym, running, or (gasp!) eating. The funny thing is, until it hits really close to home, no one really speaks up and tries to put a stop to the criticism. Remember Jennifer Love Hewitt's outrage over the unflattering pictures of her in her bikini? Where was Ashlee Simpson then? How about the numerous images of Kirstie Alley snapped on the street? She was called out for wearing something resembling a tent, Jessica was only said to be wearing "Mom" pants. Apparently jeans that go around the hips are now called "mom' pants, before low rise jeans wasn't this the only way jeans were constructed? Then there was Lisa Marie Presley who was pregnant with twins but the media compared her "situation" to that of her father in his later days. And people wonder why there is a rise in underweight pregnant women.

The question Ashlee Simpson should be asking is not since when, but Why is a woman's weight newsworthy?

This is a wonderful question to put out there as February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month.

The Image of the Inauguration

As everyone watched the United States of America swear in its 44th President, all eyes were on the Obama family. It was magical to see the country came together, it was a sea of hope.

Nonetheless, in the midst of it all, the media didn't miss a beat in commenting and critiqueing the First Lady and her daughters' appearance. Focusing attention to one's appearance has become an acceptable part of our society. Not one media outlet commented upon the grace and poise these women showed as they too were in the center of the frenzy. Michelle Obama stood proud that day, not only of her husband, but in the knowledge of all that she too had accomplished in the days, months, and years leading up to that historical day. And everyone knows the integral part she played, and will continue to play in the coming years. The young ladies began a new life, a life that will be unlike anything that they have ever experienced, but are embracing as a part of their lives' journey. Yet, the media couldn't resist commented on their dresses, their coats, the reason they chose the colors of their dresses and coats, or her choice of a shoulder gown versus a halter gown. No one commented on the President's suit, tie, over overcoat. No one mentioned the President's white bow tie was crooked at the Neighborhood Ball. Media outlets are still "breaking down" the outfits of the women two days after the event and will continue every time there is a public event.

We all heard many wonderful, inspiring words spoke by the President that day. The atmosphere was electric. Because of what The Beautiful Women Project stands for, recognized that a woman's beauty is the sum of her life experiences...words cannot express how amazing it was when the first words the President spoke to the nation at The Neighborhood Ball was, "Doesn't my wife look beautiful tonight?"

He saw before him so much more than a woman standing before him in a white ball gown.

Stop Trying to Be Perfect and Find Happiness

We can spend our lifetime chasing a concept of perfection, and never feel as if we have achieved our goal. Finding perfection is like running on a treadmill, unitl you shut off the machine it continues its unending cycle. Perfection is defined as, "...a person or thing that is the perfect embodiment of some quality." Instead of trying to become the perfect embodiment of something or someone else, why can't we accept ourselves as perfect the individuals we have already created with our life experiences?



Marcia, one of the women in The Beautiful Women Project, shared with me a wonderful piece of wisdom. She awoke one morning with a question in her head, "Do you want to be happy?" Her immediate response was, "Of course, who doesn't want to live their life being happy." She was immediately greeted with the thought, "Then stop trying to always be right and perfect." Marcia went on to teach me that trying to be right or perfect is the stuff that leads us down the road of low self esteem and self loathing instead of self love, sickness and disease instead of health and wellness.



Another Beautiful Women Project story brings home this point. Throughout her life, Suzi always had to be the best at everything: head cheerleader, valedictorian, college scholarship. She was well respected at the top of her profession, a super-mom at home and at her children's school, and kept an immaculate house. Everything was perfect accept the way she felt about herself. Exhausted from the chaos of it all, she realized that it was impossible to be everything to everyone, because there was nothing left for herself. She said good-bye to the notion of Perfect Suzi. Now the dinner dishes are delegated, morning meetings have to wait until the kids are off to school, and there are only a few things that take her away from her family nights and weekends. And in her newly imperfect lifestyle she has found a happiness she never had while trying to always be perfect.

Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Refocus your energy and give back to yourself. Recognize all of the things about yourself that are wonderful, that bring you joy, and that make you proud of the woman you are today.

A New Year, A Love Renewed

The New Year. A celebratory time when all that has passed has passed and there is so much hope and goodness on the horizon. A time for new beginnings, new ways of thinking about ourselves, and reconnecting with our inner selves. The Beautiful Women Project would like to share with all of you this poem by Derek Walcott entitled, "Love After Love".

The time will come
When, with elation,
You will greet yourself arriving
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at the other's welcome,

And say, sit here, Eat,
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine, Give bread. Give back your heart
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Welcome to a New Year, A Love Renewed